I heard myself telling my daughter -
When someone is mean to you it is because they are sad or in pain or both. The important thing to remember is that it is not your fault.
I have been reflecting on that applying it to myself thinking back on all the times someone was mean to me.
But then .. just now it occurred to me that the same applies to me – when I am mean to someone it is because I too am sad or in pain or both.
I make the daily effort to live with awareness – of myself and the world around me. Lately I have been so overwhelmed by the changes happening in and around me that I have been running towards some form of escape rather than acceptance. Living in that constant state of resistance has built up an emotional pain and sadness.
That resistance spills over into every thing I do and every interaction – especially with those closest to me, those I spend the most time with. I hear myself saying hurtful things or destructive conversations full of complaint or contempt. The clear evidence presents itself quickly that this state is causing pain to myself and every person I interact with.
Here is where I check in – digging deeper to find the pain or sadness and quench the needs of whatever it is.
I get caught up in the WHY of things – charging at the problem of figuring out why this is happening or did happen to me rather than forgiveness and acceptance so that I can move forward.
What it comes back to is the second part of that thought – the not your fault when someone is mean to you part. That is something I must work on with patience and compassion. Thinking that the meanness directed at me is my fault puts me into victim mode – with that comes the idea that if I am nicer and I work harder I will earn that person’s kindness instead, in a sense win them back. When the truth is – There is nothing I can do or ever will do that deserves more or less love based on what I do.
Life is about learning – the mistakes are just as important as the successes. Neither one determine my capability of being loved.
I am a person. I am loved. Love is not about deserving or earning. Love just is.
By loving myself I will learn the ability to heal from within. This will protect me from falling into the victim mode. Rather than a reactive mode that I feel controlled by what happens around me I will be in a loving peaceful mode that I feel controlled to choose how I react to what happens around me.
I practice these principles every day inspired by my daughter with the hope that I can teach her to love herself first too.